Torturing ourselves into originality

It's feedback season: you can use it to your advantage.

Dear anti-conformist readers,

It's becoming harder to have an original thought.

Repackaged ideas and AI-generated babble, built by LLMs from patterns and regurgitated as intelligence, are everywhere. Our constant immersion in that attention-span-shortener and critical-thinking muffler called social media isn't helping.

Amid all the noise, the value of all things (and people) original is going through the roof.

How can we shape our strengths, our flaws, and experiences into an inimitable version of ourselves? For those of us who are in or have been in a career and have had the privilege of receiving feedback, I have a clue about how to make this work.

(Painless) Torture

My creative writing coach at the Writer's Studio recently said that "to write a good story, you have to torture your persona narrator." The "PN" is the fictional character writers create as a narrator, distinct from their identity.

Torturing the PN means getting the character you are developing to push the boundaries of what is possible into something extraordinary. You do it by making them do the opposite of what you think they should, trying something more outlandish than you ever would, or pushing them into a dark alley full of ghosts to see how they react. The more uncomfortable your imagination can make them, the more you start seeing (and telling) stories you didn't know you had in you. The flaws you find in your PN make them more interesting.

I'm practicing by creating space and letting parts of me I'm not fully aware of think freely. I'm turning the baggage and garbage my brain has collected over the years into new (original) and uniquely mine (authentic) ideas.

Creating distance between who I am and the stories my PN can tell is exhilarating. When I write, I can live in a permissionless world, free from centralized control restricting what's possible.

There’s a way to take that practice beyond fiction—pushing ourselves through discomfort until we arrive at originality.

Turning Feedback into Originality, Flaws and All

Feedback that challenges our assumptions stirs up a whirlwind of emotions, leaving us with two options: ignore it or confront it. Like a writer torturing their initial concept of a character to discover its most compelling form, confronting uncomfortable feedback reshapes our understanding of ourselves.

Early in my time at Google, I received some feedback I have never let go of. I had to give a presentation to my US colleagues, and it did not go well. I had a full-out, humiliating panic attack. Before making me present again at an even bigger event, my boss said she suspected that my knowledge of what I was talking about–even though it was my project–was not deep enough to allow me the confidence I needed to present it.

At first, all I heard was: 'You are so shallow!' Later, that feedback became something like the process writers use to develop a personal narrator—it forced me to see differently. It helped me understand something fundamental about my own limits.

As it simmered, broke down, and reassembled itself in a million ways, I saw what may have led to that panic attack. While I love dropping my many ideas into crowds that should naturally think them excellent, I suck at and wholeheartedly dislike defending or explaining what I have done or propose to do.

Although that feedback did not always help me become a polished presenter, it did help me prepare differently when, on occasion, I had no other choice but to present.

I still struggle to hold onto ideas long enough to shape them fully, and I still get impatient when explaining them. But what you see is what you get: it’s my best-tortured version.

[K]Now You: Where you do the work

Your inimitable self emerges from a cycle: Information intake → Feedback (especially challenging) → Reflection and interplay→ Integration and growth → Originality.

If you have a piece of feedback you received simmering in the background, try this:

Separate Ego from Insight: Feedback triggers anger, defensiveness and doubt, all of which are creative thinking blockers. Ask, "What's the truth here? What's being revealed that I didn't see before?"

Reframe the Critique: "What does this feedback make possible? What can I learn or explore from this point of view?"

Deconstruct and Rebuild: Break it into smaller pieces. Which parts resonate? Which parts challenge your assumptions? Use these fragments to reconstruct your thoughts from a fresh angle.

Recombine it with Your Context: Integrate it with your lived experiences, knowledge, and what version of yourself you want to live with.

This mix, flaws and all, is what makes you an original.